Chileans Punished for Homosexual Tectonics

The 700 Club has officially determined the cause of Saturday's earthquake in Chile: the earth was badly wrought for deviltry. A rigorous study of geologic data derived from scripture by more than three experts at the 700 Club Science Institute suggests that the earthquake that rocked Chile was a manifestation of God's anger over various deviant practices.

The powerful quake registered an 8.8 on the secular Richter scale and a 9.1 on the Matthew scale of seismic wrath, toppling sturdy buildings, buckling elevated roadways, and killing at least 700 devil worshippers.

Chile is at the center of a large continental sodomy zone. Within these cursed regions, massive continental plates collide homoerotically to produce frequent and powerful earthquakes. When two continental plates converge, the force of the impact pushes one plate beneath the other, creating a "top" and "bottom" plate. Both plates continue moving and the top plate rides the bottom plate hard, creating shockwaves through the crust and possibly releasing geysers of superheated magma through volcanoes.

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