Less-awesome Weapons

Many names and slang terms have been used to describe the police. You hear them referred to as "pigs," "the fuzz," "the man," "tony two-tone," "slick milk," "ol' barn ape," "crunchberry," "Susanne," and even "handsome." There are hundreds of epithets and nicknames for police, but I don't feel any of them are accurate. I prefer to think of police more like my collection of all-natural hairy woman magazines: they're great to have around when I need them, but if I see them in public I start feeling really uncomfortable and guilty.

When you've got a hobo making sick on your front door at three in the morning on a Tuesday a policeman is a wonderful thing. The police will come and shine some flashlights in bloodshot eyes and then load the hobo into their car so that the hobo can be released in the wild far away from civilization.

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