Science Wants to Ruin All Dinosaurs

In the great scientific effort to ruin all things awesome, the paleontologists at Ludwig Maximilian University in Munich have struck a blow for lameness. Based on the unusually well-preserved fossil of an ancient German theropod, the theory is now gaining acceptance that virtually all dinosaurs possessed feathers. Not a few. Not some chicken raptor squawking around the Jurassic. All dinosaurs had feathers. They are taking our dinosaurs away.

They might as well have found a fossil of a dinosaur wearing a party hat and a sequined cape. When the scientists came for Pluto, I said nothing. When they told me the sun did not revolve around the earth, I bought new calendars. I understand that our skepticism must be coupled with a willingness to adapt to new understanding of our universe, but I have to speak up. Science dudes, no. Come on. All of them are birds?

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