mandag, april 09, 2012

The Friends with Benefits Fellowship Ends as of Today

Dear Church Staff,

In this new century, Christianity faces what may be its darkest days yet. We stand at a crossroads, and no amount of tightly choreographed liturgical dance is going to bring in the young people for Sunday services. Yes, we tried to meet the kids on their level -- let's not forget the weekly visits from Pastor Rufio and his "Gospel on Wheels." But the skateboard damage done to our parking lot was catastrophic, as was the smell coming from Rufio's unkempt dreadlocks -- which would not improve despite multiple prayers and shampoo coupons.

There's a way to get young people into Church without making the whole place smell like musty feet, though I must say I would take an entire choir of Rufios belching Satan's "fight song" in lieu of our most recent failure of an idea. We have parents far more upset than they were over the shattered femurs and bruised vertebrae caused by Pastor Rufio's improper skateboard instruction.