torsdag, oktober 07, 2010

The SciMath History Addendum, Volume 1

Dear student,

Welcome to the new school year. In order to ensure that America remains the world's number one superpower, we've at last decided to invest in our nation's most valuable resource: you! You'll find that those pesky liberal arts have been eliminated entirely from the curriculum in favor of subjects that will land you in the science labs and popular desert regions of tomorrow. However, we do realize that a well-rounded education is fundamental to any democracy, so we've taken the liberty of printing this month's history lesson on the back of your school lunch schedule. Please enjoy, and remember that the price of Mexican Pizza Thursdays has increased to $5.50 (there was no room on the other side).
The SciMath History Addendum Volume 1: Life Before America

While its immortality is guaranteed for centuries to come, America in its current form has barely been around for 250 years! What was our country like before those brave souls on The Mayflower decided to make their fearless voyage to The New World? Well, imagine a beautiful forest full of vicious, barking dogs; through many generations of ingenuity, we've pacified those pups and replaced most of the troublesome trees with the popular chain restaurants you eat at every day. But what was going on elsewhere on this planet before real history decided to start? Please learn in the following 600 words; no questions will be honored or humored.