The End is Nigh

We're on day three of a heat wave with no sign of relief in sight. Yesterday it got up to 80 degrees. Forecasts say temperatures could reach 83 today. I wonder how much longer mankind can survive these kinds of infernal conditions.

The man from the Centers for Disease Control called and left another angry message on my machine. He says I'm patient zero in this horrible duck flu pandemic sweeping the nation and that I need to stay indoors at all costs. I shouldn't have shared that piece of bread with a duck. You never think about the consequences of such things until millions are dead.

That naked man is rolling around in my yard again. He's moaning and wailing. Not in a sexy way, but in a sad, lonely way, like a beached whale. There's a lot of heart and sincerity in his cries. I want to put some food out, but I'm afraid he'll just start coming back every day like a stray cat. Plus I'd probably just give him duck flu, and that's not going to do either of us any good.

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