My Future's So Dark, I Gotta Wear Spikes

Scope this, nerdzoid.

Back in 198X, our shared history totally split into two timelines when, through a series of unlikely events that can be traced back to a power surge as a young man was saving his Dungeone & Dragons character data on an Apple IIe, the entire score from John Carpenter's The Thing became the U.S. national anthem.

Soon the opening ceremonies of sporting events across our once-great nation became drawn out and unsettling. Within a month the world's superpowers were destabilized. Resources were depleted, nuclear fallout ravaged the landscape, and holographic advertisements crowded the major cities, looping their crass and dehumanizing pitches for an audience of soot-faced victims of the unjust and depraved. Our clothes' shoulderpads grew ever larger, a defensive measure spurred by the increasingly harsh environment we found ourselves in.

Now it's 2009, the future of the 80's. Things are royally donked.

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