To Hell with Me

I thought for sure I had a few decades left in me, but I guess that was just wishful thinking on my part. Had I known death was so imminent, I might have lived a better life and avoided pirating so many mp3s. The last place I imagined retiring was Hell.

Hell is a tough pill to swallow. Besides the constant chaos and pandemonium, there's a lot of naked people screaming and getting tortured horrifically. I wish they would keep that sort of thing confined to certain areas, because there is some seriously amazing scenery. I almost wish I had a camera, but I guess I'll be seeing these sights every day.

One of the first things in Hell to catch my eye was a crazy parade float. It was these two enormous ears pierced together by an arrow, and with a humongous knife sticking out from between the two lobes. I guess they must have some pretty creative businesses or clubs or whatever here, since the float was obviously the result of great care and effort. I wanted to get a closer look but it was surrounded by all these naked dudes writhing around and moaning. One of them was tearing out his eyeballs. I'm not really cool with that whole scene, so I decided to move on. Besides, there was a huge marching band headed my way and they looked kind of menacing to say the least.

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